Arm, Armder, Moer-arm

Nou ons was moer-arm. Agt kinders. Daai tyd was ek in Std 2 en moes ons van daai glas bottelkies Gom met die rooi proppie en rooi kwassie hê vir skool. 
 
My Ma het amper flou geval toe ek haar vra vir gom. "Waar dink hulle moet ons die geld vandaan kry?" 
 
Maar natuurlik - Boere maak 'n plan. En Ma was nie stupid nie. Sy kon tot gom maak. Ruk daar flour uit, gooi suiker by en kook die spul op die stoof. 
Ek staan eenkant, baie impressed met my slim Ma. 
 
Laat dit toe effens afkoel en sit dit in 'n ou NCR Yeast Blikkie wat so bietjie "verblyk" was. 
 
Ek was die enigste kind met 'n Yeast Blikkie op my tafel. Al die ander kinders het die regte bottelkies Gom gehad. Ek het nie baie omgegee nie, want my gom was baie beter as hulle sin en het geplak soos Superglue nie kan plak nie! 
 
So drie weke later, terwyl die biesies buite bewe van die hitte, sit ons klas in doodse stilte, besig met eksamen. 
 
Fokkit mense, een moerse ontploffing ruk die hele skool tot aandag. Daar trek my donnerse blikkie se deksel en hy agterna tot teenaan die sielieng. 
Dis net gom wat neerkom op ons soos 'n donnerstorm! Alles is wit. En dit stink ongelooflik - suurhol se moses! Ek't nog nooit iets in my hele lewe geruik wat so gestink het nie. 
 
Die Juffrou se brille is vol gom. Haar hare spierwit. Dit drup van haar af asof sy in 'n shower staan. Tot in haar kliewitch by haar tieties. Ek kon nie glo dat sy soos 'n beeld lyk nie. 
 
Oral waar ek kyk in die klas is almal faaktap van die gom. Almal is wit en gil van die skrik. Ons boeke is faaktap. Ons klere is faaktap. Ons stink faaktap. 
 
Juffrou wip toe haar gat en jaag ons almal uit en sê ons kan maar huis toe gaan. Van die kinders wat bus gery het se gom het goed drooggeword van al die gewag. 
 
Ek was woedend toe ek by die huis kom. My Ma het gedink dis 'n moerse grap en het haar dinges amper geskeur van die lag toe sy my sien EN ruik. 
 
Die klaskamer moes uitgeverf word om van die suurholreuk ontslae te raak, maar ons kon dit nog vir weke dwarsdeur daai PVA ruik. 
 
Ek was glad nie gewild nie. Niemand wou eers meer met my speel nie... 
Dis nou wat gebeur as jy Moer-arm is! 

THE OLD PHONE

Something that was emailed to me?, thought is was sweet.

 THIS HAPPENED IN THE 'GOOD OLD DAYS' WHEN PEOPLE REALLY CARED ABOUT
EACH OTHER.

 When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our
 neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall.

The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach
the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked
to it.

 Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an
 amazing person. Her name was 'Information Please' and there was
nothing she did not know.   Information Please could supply anyone's number
and the correct time.

 My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while
my Mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in
the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible,
but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give
 sympathy.

 I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally
arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in
the Parlor and dragged it to the landing; climbing up, I unhooked the
 receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear.

 'Information, please,' I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.
A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

 'Information.'

 'I hurt my finger,' I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily
 enough now that I had an audience.

 'Isn't your mother home?' came the question.

 'Nobody's home but me,' I blubbered.

 'Are you bleeding?' the voice asked.

 'No,' I replied. 'I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.'

 'Can you open the icebox?' she asked.

 I said I could.

 'Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger,' said
the voice.

 After that, I called 'Information Please' for everything. I asked her
for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia  was. She
 helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught
in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

 Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died.  I called,
 'Information Please,' and told her the sad story. She listened, and
then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I

 asked her, 'Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring
Joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of
a cage?'

 She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, ' Wayne ,
 always remember that there are other worlds to sing in.'

 Somehow I felt better.

 Another day I was on the telephone, 'Information Please.'

 'Information,' said in the now familiar voice.

 'How do I spell fix?' I asked.

 All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I
was nine years old, we moved across the country to  Boston. I missed my
 friend very much. 'Information Please' belonged in that old wooden box

 back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone
that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of

 those childhood conversations never really left me.

 Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene
sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding,
and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

 A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in
 Seattle.  I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15
 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then

 without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown Operator and
 said, 'Information Please.'

 Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
 'Information.'

 I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, 'Could you please
tell me how to spell fix?'

 There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, 'I guess
your finger must have healed by now.'

 I laughed, 'So it's really you,' I said. 'I wonder if you have any
idea how much you meant to me during that time?'

 'I wonder,' she said, 'if you know how much your calls meant to me. I
 never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls.'

 I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked
if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

 'Please do,' she said. 'Just ask for Sally.'

 Three months later I was back in Seattle;  a different voice answered:

 Information.' I asked for Sally.

 'Are you a friend?' she said.

 'Yes, a very old friend,' I answered.

 'I'm sorry to have to tell you this,' she said. 'Sally had been
working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks

 ago.' Before I could hang up she said, 'Wait a minute, did you say your name

 was Wayne?'

 'Yes.' I answered.

 'Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you
 called. Let me read it to you.' The note said, 'Tell him there are
other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean.'

 I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

 Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.

 Whose life have you touched today?

 Lifting you on eagle's wings. May you find the joy and peace you long
 for.

 Life is a journey ... NOT a guided tour. So don't miss the ride and
have a great time going around.  You don't get a second shot at it.

  With thanks to Barbara Edwards

    For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.

Looking forward

We've had our share of challenges in the last couple of years. If it wasn't health related it was VISA related, then job related and even ex job related, and we also had allot of fun in our first apartment that we rented once we got to the UK. Not just the fact that after a couple of months living with the parents we over reacted a bit and got a too big a place. But the place ended up being damp ridden and we quickly realized that the nice "features and fittings" were horribly installed and started giving out almost as soon as we moved in, not to mention the speed bump (as it affectionately became know as) that pushed up under our bed when the floor boards buckled after the first week and took the landlord about 4 months to fix. We also decided moving into the spare room was the wiser choice since we did not know what caused the floor to lift. Thus we had a huge room for my lonely computer and we settled into the little spare room.

However all that now seems to be settling behind us. We are finally looking towards to future, our wedding is coming up in a couple of weeks. We are going to South Africa for it and getting out of the cold in UK for a bit. My job has finally taken off, and my better half left her high stress job to find something less frantic outside of the city. We even managed to give notice at our flat! 

Life seems to be getting better rapidly and I'm thankful to God that he helped us get through it all and that our relationship is stronger than ever.

So here is to the future!

Restorante - Caffe Del Mare in Twickenham

I had the absolute pleasure of getting up and walking out of the Pizza Express in Twickenham because of being totally ignored and walking 2 minutes down the road towards Manor House park to find caffe Del Mares, a cute little resturant with fantastic food and service. The staff seemed genuinly excited about their food and their resturant. We were warned that getting a seat there over the weekend may require a booking but it would be well worth it!

Simple nunit walkthrough

To setup a nunit test do the following.

1. Download and install nunit 2.0
2. In your VS project add a reference to nunit.framework
3. In your VS project create a new class. Name doesn't matter.
4. Add using NUnit.Framework to your using statements for the new class
5. Prefix your new class with [TestFixture]. example [TestFixture] public class MyTest{}
6. Prefix a method to setup your class with [SetUp]. example: [SetUp] protected void setup() {}
7. Prefix your test methods with [Test]. example [Test] public void ThisIsATest() {}
8. In your ThisIsATest() method type Assert. (PS type Assert dot so you can see the auto-complete)
And then look at the list of options available to you. Each test method should have one assert method which does a test.

To run the test, first build your project, then find nunit on your start menu and open it up. Use it to browse for the dll or exe in your bin folder you just compiled.
Use NUnit to run the test.

NUnit will look for the classes in your project prefixed with [TestFixture] and execute all the [Test]s in it. It will then show you a summary of the results.

Thats all there is to it

The modern Princess

Definition of globalization is

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: 

1. An English princess 
   
2. with an Egyptian boyfriend 
   
3. crashes in a French tunnel, 
   
4. driving a German car 
   
5. with a Dutch engine, 
   
6. driven by a Belgian who was drunk 
   
7. on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) 
8. followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, 
   
9. on Japanese motorcycles; 
   
10. treated by an American doctor, 
    
11. using Brazilian medicines. 
    
12. This is sent to you by an African, 
    
13. using Bill Gates' - (an American)technology, 
    
14. and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, 
15. and a Korean monitor, 
    
16. assembled by Bangladeshi workers Publish Post
    
17. in a Singapore plant, 
    
18. transported by Indian lorry-drivers, 
    
19. hijacked by Indonesians, 
    
20. unloaded by Pakistani men, 
    
21. and trucked to you by Mexicans 
    
22. And now the above being emailed by a person sitting in South Africa
23. Posted on this blog by me, a South African sitting in London.
24. My brother is in Thailand
25. I've got a friend who just moved to Austalia
26. And my dad works for an American company in South Africa.

That, my friends, is Globalization!

Olympic Credit Crunch

This was emailed to me, if someone has an issue with me not having the rights to post it please email me and I'll remove it asap. If we can't laugh at the world today we'll all go crazy!

y

Windows Virtual Server hosting

I've been using VPSLand since beginning 2007, Its great value for money if you need more flexibility from your hosting than the standard web hosting that other companies offer. They're uptime is great and the few minor issues I had with them over the last 20 or so months were quickly addressed. Also helps that they have unlimited free online support via email, and they've always responded to me within a day or 2 with a solution!
I'd let you make your own mind up, also you need to consider if you need VPS hosting or if the standard hosting that can be more cheaply available.
I do think however that with the web becoming more and more powerful it will become more necessary for people to go for the more flexible options of VPS hosting.

Slow motion lightning

Google Chrome

I downloaded google chrome and despite its current limitations I am still using it as I love all things google! 

I would like them to enable you to add their toolbar to the browser and I've noticed that some buttons on facebook doesn't work (Example when you have your friends devided into groups and you try and navigate between the groups it doesn't seem to work)

But I love "Application" feel of Google Chrome and thinking back on projects I have done in the past here I've had to get my clients to press F11 to go full screen this would be a lovely alternative. Then again so would Opera but like I said I like all things google!

You can download it here

I spins both ways! Or does it?!? Kinda cool!

Click to active

Yeah well, we invented, erm, something I can't think of right now!

Stunning Senior Moment


A self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it
was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one', the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. 'The
young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon. Our space probes have visited Mars. We
have nuclear energy, ships and electric and hydrogen cars, cell phones , computers with light-speed processing...and more.'

After a brief silence, the senior citizen responded as follows:
'You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young........ so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation?'

The applause was amazing.......

A typical bloke

A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a
holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing,only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?' She replied, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.'

'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.'
'Oh,this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of raw
material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.'

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the
island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I
used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.'

The guy is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please.. Would you like a drink?'

'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed.
'I can't take another drop of coconut juice.'
'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman.
'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor in the bathroom cabinet.'

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom.
There,in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically
positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit
down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been
out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?'
She stares into his eyes ...

He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes.....



'Fu@@ing hell,don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?'

Magic Fridge - Best Add I've seen...like ever!!

Careful where you sit

THIS IS AN ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 -- >CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat under a sweet sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"...I just lost it.

CASE DISMISSED!!"

Joke of the day

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young
lady, an old woman and a Frenchman. It all goes dark when the train
goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap,
and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his
face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.


The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman tried to kiss the young lady in the dark and
she slapped him"


The pretty young lady thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to kiss me in
the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"


The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman tried to kiss the young lady in the dark,
but the young lady thought it was me and hit me"


The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can
slap that Frenchman again"

When its okay to swear

I got these images on an email forwarded to me if someone has a issue with me having them up please let me know and I'll take them down.

I've got huge hands!!!

Don't laugh!' said the patient, Bob.

'Of course I won't laugh,' the doctor said. 'I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't
have been bigger than the size of an AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell
laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to
his feet and regain his composure.
'I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am. I don't know what came
over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it
won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?'

'It's swollen,' Bob replied.

The Doctor fainted

Typical

You've got to smile.

SMOOTHIES FOR FATIGUE AFTER CANCER TREATMENT

If you have recently had or you are having Chemo and struggle with fatigue. Drink Smoothies!!! Get a blender go to the fruit and veg store stock up on random fruit throw them together, blend and drink. Its thick, sometimes its great sometimes its not so great but it sorted out my fatigue.

After day 1 I felt a marked increase in energy lasting up to about mid day

Day 2 I lasted until about 3pm

After a week I could stay up till late without feeling tiered!!!

Try it, you have nothing to loose! Make it routine drink one every day. You can try the innocent smoothies you find in stores. The're okay but nothing like the energy you get from the thick mess you get from making your own. People even started commenting on how much better I looked after the first two weeks.

Do everyone a favour and come and answer my poll when you've done it for 2 weeks so more people will be encouraged to try it!

Where I am now

Me and Heath were dreaming and planning of coming to the UK all the way through my treatment. It gave us something to focus on other than the treatment. And after many trails we are here! Finally!
Just started my new job all looks good, and me and Heath have rented a flat in Twickenham. I work in Stains, which means I don't work in London which is something I really wanted for coming back here. And we also live just a bit further from the town centre than usual that makes it nicer.
I have proposed to Heath who has said YES!! Can you believe my luck.

I had a little scare just before we came over when I had a false positive on a PET scan. It was a long 3 weeks but after almost every radiologist in JHB had a look at it and all thinking it was suspicious I had it redone and it was negative. I doubt any cancer could stand up to the bomardment of prayers that came my way in those 3 weeks. The follow up scan was negative so off we went to the UK.

I still have to go for regular scans, but with Heath by my side and everyone praying for me like crazy, I think I'm done with it all. Or like my aunt will say I believe I'm done with it all!

Good luck to anyone reading the blog going through the same thing. I hope you come through it running out the other side. Just believe, stay positive. Don't for a moment give in to those anoying little cells trying to control your life! Life is your greatest gift. SO FIGHT FOR IT!!!

Stem Cell and After

Well I had my High Dose, its not a game. Its was pretty bad for me for the 1st 2 weeks. They give it to you over a 5 days, Day 1 to 4 is okay, day 5 is the worse. DRINK LOTS!!! I found the only thing I could get down was Iced tea (Haven't been able to drink it since but it worked then) I finished probably about 2 leters of it a day. The food is horrible because you get neutrapenic and you can't eat anything with flavour.
The reason for day 5 being bad is that they gave me 20 minutes of some drug strong. I was so happy it was my last day and I'd "only" have 20 minutes more.
But when thats over its recovery, recovery and more recovery. It can take you over a month to recover even with a stem cell transplant. It took me about 3 weeks. I went home the week after for about 2 days before Heather and my Mom took me back to hospital and gave the doctor a stern talking to for letting me out so soon. So I stayed in hospital for about 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks my counts were still to low but I was feeling allot better so the doctor said he thinks I should go home but watch my temprature like a hawk. His reasoning was that the hospital bugs I could catch was much worse than anything I could catch at home, and as long as I come in quickly if my temprature spikes I'd be fine.
Luckily shortly after I went home about another week or so my count started climbing slowly and finally I could take the mast off. The doctor did say I shouldn't eat take-aways for a little while longer. At that point I just wanted a salad! We made a huge greek salad :)
It was hard but one month for the rest of my life with Heath is definitly worth it. I don't think I can ever tell her how much I appreciate her.

2 Cows and Politics

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.


A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive

Regards,

Ross Thomson
User Support/Service Desk Analyst
Mobile: 07976 105 378
Email: rthomson@Aspective.com
http://www.aspective.com/

Woman = Problems

Definition of Robbery

Born Brave

As my buddy who sent this to me said... "for those who get it..." :)

Automatically open SQL Reports into PDF,EXCEL,CSV,Etc...

Automatically open SQL Reports into PDF,EXCEL,CSV,Etc...

Amazingly simple home remedies

DO NOT TRY AT HOME

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! the blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - Q20 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the Q20. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
8. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.