4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young
lady, an old woman and a Frenchman. It all goes dark when the train
goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap,
and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his
face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman tried to kiss the young lady in the dark and
she slapped him"
The pretty young lady thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to kiss me in
the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"
The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman tried to kiss the young lady in the dark,
but the young lady thought it was me and hit me"
The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can
slap that Frenchman again"
Monday, July 28, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
When its okay to swear
I got these images on an email forwarded to me if someone has a issue with me having them up please let me know and I'll take them down.
I've got huge hands!!!
Don't laugh!' said the patient, Bob.
'Of course I won't laugh,' the doctor said. 'I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then,' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't
have been bigger than the size of an AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell
laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to
his feet and regain his composure.
'I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am. I don't know what came
over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it
won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen,' Bob replied.
The Doctor fainted
'Of course I won't laugh,' the doctor said. 'I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then,' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't
have been bigger than the size of an AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell
laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to
his feet and regain his composure.
'I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am. I don't know what came
over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it
won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen,' Bob replied.
The Doctor fainted
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
SMOOTHIES FOR FATIGUE AFTER CANCER TREATMENT
If you have recently had or you are having Chemo and struggle with fatigue. Drink Smoothies!!! Get a blender go to the fruit and veg store stock up on random fruit throw them together, blend and drink. Its thick, sometimes its great sometimes its not so great but it sorted out my fatigue.
After day 1 I felt a marked increase in energy lasting up to about mid day
Day 2 I lasted until about 3pm
After a week I could stay up till late without feeling tiered!!!
Try it, you have nothing to loose! Make it routine drink one every day. You can try the innocent smoothies you find in stores. The're okay but nothing like the energy you get from the thick mess you get from making your own. People even started commenting on how much better I looked after the first two weeks.
Do everyone a favour and come and answer my poll when you've done it for 2 weeks so more people will be encouraged to try it!
After day 1 I felt a marked increase in energy lasting up to about mid day
Day 2 I lasted until about 3pm
After a week I could stay up till late without feeling tiered!!!
Try it, you have nothing to loose! Make it routine drink one every day. You can try the innocent smoothies you find in stores. The're okay but nothing like the energy you get from the thick mess you get from making your own. People even started commenting on how much better I looked after the first two weeks.
Do everyone a favour and come and answer my poll when you've done it for 2 weeks so more people will be encouraged to try it!
Where I am now
Me and Heath were dreaming and planning of coming to the UK all the way through my treatment. It gave us something to focus on other than the treatment. And after many trails we are here! Finally!
Just started my new job all looks good, and me and Heath have rented a flat in Twickenham. I work in Stains, which means I don't work in London which is something I really wanted for coming back here. And we also live just a bit further from the town centre than usual that makes it nicer.
I have proposed to Heath who has said YES!! Can you believe my luck.
I had a little scare just before we came over when I had a false positive on a PET scan. It was a long 3 weeks but after almost every radiologist in JHB had a look at it and all thinking it was suspicious I had it redone and it was negative. I doubt any cancer could stand up to the bomardment of prayers that came my way in those 3 weeks. The follow up scan was negative so off we went to the UK.
I still have to go for regular scans, but with Heath by my side and everyone praying for me like crazy, I think I'm done with it all. Or like my aunt will say I believe I'm done with it all!
Good luck to anyone reading the blog going through the same thing. I hope you come through it running out the other side. Just believe, stay positive. Don't for a moment give in to those anoying little cells trying to control your life! Life is your greatest gift. SO FIGHT FOR IT!!!
Just started my new job all looks good, and me and Heath have rented a flat in Twickenham. I work in Stains, which means I don't work in London which is something I really wanted for coming back here. And we also live just a bit further from the town centre than usual that makes it nicer.
I have proposed to Heath who has said YES!! Can you believe my luck.
I had a little scare just before we came over when I had a false positive on a PET scan. It was a long 3 weeks but after almost every radiologist in JHB had a look at it and all thinking it was suspicious I had it redone and it was negative. I doubt any cancer could stand up to the bomardment of prayers that came my way in those 3 weeks. The follow up scan was negative so off we went to the UK.
I still have to go for regular scans, but with Heath by my side and everyone praying for me like crazy, I think I'm done with it all. Or like my aunt will say I believe I'm done with it all!
Good luck to anyone reading the blog going through the same thing. I hope you come through it running out the other side. Just believe, stay positive. Don't for a moment give in to those anoying little cells trying to control your life! Life is your greatest gift. SO FIGHT FOR IT!!!
Stem Cell and After
Well I had my High Dose, its not a game. Its was pretty bad for me for the 1st 2 weeks. They give it to you over a 5 days, Day 1 to 4 is okay, day 5 is the worse. DRINK LOTS!!! I found the only thing I could get down was Iced tea (Haven't been able to drink it since but it worked then) I finished probably about 2 leters of it a day. The food is horrible because you get neutrapenic and you can't eat anything with flavour.
The reason for day 5 being bad is that they gave me 20 minutes of some drug strong. I was so happy it was my last day and I'd "only" have 20 minutes more.
But when thats over its recovery, recovery and more recovery. It can take you over a month to recover even with a stem cell transplant. It took me about 3 weeks. I went home the week after for about 2 days before Heather and my Mom took me back to hospital and gave the doctor a stern talking to for letting me out so soon. So I stayed in hospital for about 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks my counts were still to low but I was feeling allot better so the doctor said he thinks I should go home but watch my temprature like a hawk. His reasoning was that the hospital bugs I could catch was much worse than anything I could catch at home, and as long as I come in quickly if my temprature spikes I'd be fine.
Luckily shortly after I went home about another week or so my count started climbing slowly and finally I could take the mast off. The doctor did say I shouldn't eat take-aways for a little while longer. At that point I just wanted a salad! We made a huge greek salad :)
It was hard but one month for the rest of my life with Heath is definitly worth it. I don't think I can ever tell her how much I appreciate her.
The reason for day 5 being bad is that they gave me 20 minutes of some drug strong. I was so happy it was my last day and I'd "only" have 20 minutes more.
But when thats over its recovery, recovery and more recovery. It can take you over a month to recover even with a stem cell transplant. It took me about 3 weeks. I went home the week after for about 2 days before Heather and my Mom took me back to hospital and gave the doctor a stern talking to for letting me out so soon. So I stayed in hospital for about 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks my counts were still to low but I was feeling allot better so the doctor said he thinks I should go home but watch my temprature like a hawk. His reasoning was that the hospital bugs I could catch was much worse than anything I could catch at home, and as long as I come in quickly if my temprature spikes I'd be fine.
Luckily shortly after I went home about another week or so my count started climbing slowly and finally I could take the mast off. The doctor did say I shouldn't eat take-aways for a little while longer. At that point I just wanted a salad! We made a huge greek salad :)
It was hard but one month for the rest of my life with Heath is definitly worth it. I don't think I can ever tell her how much I appreciate her.
Monday, July 14, 2008
2 Cows and Politics
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive
Regards,
Ross Thomson
User Support/Service Desk Analyst
Mobile: 07976 105 378
Email: rthomson@Aspective.com
http://www.aspective.com/
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive
Regards,
Ross Thomson
User Support/Service Desk Analyst
Mobile: 07976 105 378
Email: rthomson@Aspective.com
http://www.aspective.com/
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
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