Lawyers

Lawyers should never ask a grandma a question if they aren't prepared
for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She
responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to
me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk
about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher.
Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He' lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state, not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women. One of them was your wife.
Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very
quiet voice said,
"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me,
I'll send you both to the electric chair."