Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. The AA is not an
option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man
shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of
Holy Communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup
and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items
like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never,
under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. ( F.Y.I. guys cumin is a
spice and not
a bodily function).
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice
as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire
show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either s*x, cars or sport. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any
more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't
need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name
and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is
fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look
fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and its the year 2007, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest,... like
looking for my socks, or wandering around in the garden with a beer
wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand
Men...the above might seem like a joke. But it's not...........
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